I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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