i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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