If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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