I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
