Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
