you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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