When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
