Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
