you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So many bounce houses so little time
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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