she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Randomize
