So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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