when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
