I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Will exercising make me less horny?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
