Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
