My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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