like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
