I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she smelled like a LAN party
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
