the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
