"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
