we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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