If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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