im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I AM VODKA MAN
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
