I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
