I smell stomach acid.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
