I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
