i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Terrible idea I love it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
