I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
