the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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