Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
