She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
