Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
