Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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