Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
