Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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