Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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