My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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