even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize