nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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