how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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