that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
