So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
