Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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