how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
