Last Night in Ontario (226)

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  can you blame him?

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle

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