Last Night in California (949)

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• (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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• (949): View more from California

  I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.

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• (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

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• (949): View more from California

  this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head

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• (949): View more from California

  dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt

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• (949): View more from California

  I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..

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• (949): View more from California

  Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that

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• (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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• (949): View more from California

  After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(

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• (949): View more from California

  The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning

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• (949): View more from California

  Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

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• (949): View more from California

  It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.

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• (949): View more from California

  okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?

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• (949): View more from California

  Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

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