Texts From Last Night · Last Night in New Zealand

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Last Night in New Zealand (+64)

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No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.

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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

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If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.

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apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??

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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better

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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.

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