Last Night in Michigan (734)

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

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  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

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  You're 20.

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  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

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  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I did the walk of shame to church this morning.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  hooker boots and all?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.

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