Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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