Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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