Texts From Last Night · conju30's Favorites

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conju30's Favorites Texts:

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.

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(812): View more from Indiana

She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.

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(705): View more from Ontario

His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

Did you win?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything

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