Texts From Last Night · dus's Favorites

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dus's Favorites Texts:

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(845): View more from New York

She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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(210): View more from Texas

i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

Fav 13 5200 1999
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(503): View more from Oregon

What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?

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(775): View more from Nevada

So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

Fav 38 6263 1561
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(847): View more from Illinois

but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

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(310): View more from California

ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.

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