You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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