i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
