I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
