If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
