Texts From Last Night · jbond95's Favorites

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jbond95's Favorites Texts:

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(210): View more from Texas

Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable

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(443): View more from Maryland

Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome

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(954): View more from Florida

Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

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(214): View more from Texas

Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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(863): View more from Florida

haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people

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(317): View more from Indiana

Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?

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