Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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