How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
