I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
