He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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