You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
