I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
