I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
