Texts From Last Night · murhunter's Favorites

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murhunter's Favorites Texts:

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(440): View more from Ohio

I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.

Fav 11 3499 1145
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(213): View more from California

My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."

Fav 38 4009 1050
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(312): View more from Illinois

I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?

Fav 20 3847 1055
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace

Fav 8 2112 884
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(607): View more from New York

No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.

Fav 14 2617 1005
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(348): View more from

Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.

(1-348): View more from

You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.

Fav 5 3626 886
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(631): View more from New York

I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.

Fav 5 1971 762
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