Texts From Last Night · ohcalamityme's Favorites

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ohcalamityme's Favorites Texts:

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(585): View more from New York

I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

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(318): View more from Louisiana

What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

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(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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