Texts From Last Night · schlongdong's Favorites

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schlongdong's Favorites Texts:

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(858): View more from California

I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

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(206): View more from Washington

I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

(425): View more from Washington

There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Shut up. I did not.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

I really wish I was making that up.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?

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