Texts From Last Night · yup_its_art's Favorites

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yup_its_art's Favorites Texts:

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.

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(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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(773): View more from Illinois

Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

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(903): View more from Texas

My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): View more from Colorado

Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation

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