Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (424)

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Last Night in California (424)

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(424): View more from California

I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed

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(424): View more from California

Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.

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(424): View more from California

He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.

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(424): View more from California

I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.

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(424): View more from California

My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?

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(424): View more from California

i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.

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(424): View more from California

I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.

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(424): View more from California

Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.

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