i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
