Last Night in Utah (435)

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• (435): View more from Utah

  When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.

  (435): View more from Utah

  its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign

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• (435): View more from Utah

  My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping

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• (435): View more from Utah

  roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?

  (435): View more from Utah

  Yeah.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was spiderman.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.

  (1-435): View more from Utah

  umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning

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• (435): View more from Utah

  All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?

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• (435): View more from Utah

  I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."

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