Last Night in New York (585)

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• (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

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• (585): View more from New York

  i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?

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• (585): View more from New York

  she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?

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• (585): View more from New York

  she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

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• (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

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  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

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• (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

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• (585): View more from New York

  im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

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• (585): View more from New York

  So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.

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• (585): View more from New York

  bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

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  oh god.. jail?

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  better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

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• (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

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• (585): View more from New York

  He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.

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• (516): View more from New York

  ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?

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  hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that

  (516): View more from New York

  is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?

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• (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

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